Forgiving the People Who Hurt the Ones We Love.

I don't hold grudges often.

In fact, I don't really get angry with people, either. I'll get annoyed (oh my, yes!) but it's rare for me to get well-and-truly angry with someone else... unless you hurt someone I love.

Woe-be-unto-you who dares to cross my husband or family. Hell hath no fury like a Mary Beth when one of my tribe is abused or snubbed in some way.

I can forgive any number of crimes against myself; it's a whole 'nother ballgame when we're talking about forgiving someone who has done someone I love wrong.

Forgiveness is a hard pill to swallow when it means forgiving someone who has hurt you indirectly.

How do we do it, then? How do we forgive those we'd really rather forget?

It's a cliché for a reason: forgiveness isn't for the offender, it's for you.

I don't know about y'all, but when someone upsets someone I love, I think about the situation on a loop. My brain becomes stuck in this circular thought process of, "Wow, I can't believe X said that; what's their problem? What's wrong with them? How would I have handled this situation?"

Forgiveness enables us to drop the Loop and move forward. We can't hold others responsible for our inner distress or the inner distress of our loved ones; we can show up for the hurt party, though. And by dropping the Loop, we're able to be fully present for the loved one who has been hurt. Oftentimes, our family/friends/partners aren't looking for someone to bash the offender and tell them how they should've responded or handled it -- they're looking for comfort and love and graciousness. They're looking for a compassionate ear; when you get indignant and protective, even though it's coming from a loving place, this really only serves to fan the flames of discord further.

In this way, forgiveness also benefits your loved one, even if they aren't the one doing the forgiving directly.

Whenever I'm tempted to respond in a negative, indignant way over someone I love being hurt, I'm reminded of James 5:16

Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.

Did you catch that?

"Whole and healed."

Isn't that what we all want?

In order to achieve this, we must engage in the powerful practice of praying for those who hurt us and our loved ones. Even if they themselves never admit or own their toxic behavior, we as followers of the Way can pray for a softening of our hearts, a softening for theirs, and also a peace for the hurt party.

Forgiveness is a form of death. It's laying to rest your sense of superiority and your pride and emotions in order to move forward rather than staying stuck in a rut of resentment. Forgiveness isn't easy -- but it is powerful, and it brings forth the Kingdom of Heaven here to our broken world one act of graciousness at a time.

Bless your loved one (and yourself) by forgiving and praying for those who hurt you. This is uncomfortable work sometimes, but it is so, so vital if we are seeking to Look Like Jesus.