3 Truths I Wish I Knew in College

I'm one of those people who spends a lot of time thinking about the past. I tend to ruminate on "What Ifs?" and wonder how things could've been different had XYZ been different.

There's just something about this season - the dreary, chilly cold - that really triggers these thought patterns for me. I find myself questioning my life decisions: Am I happy? Would I be happier if I would've done things differently? Am I growing? Am I doing what I was created to do?

I've been thinking a lot about college, and who I was during that time vs. who I am now. It's only been three years since I graduated, but I feel like the College-Beth of yesteryear, and the Mary Beth of today wouldn't be able to recognize each other. And you know what? I'm happy with the progress I've made; in fact, there's not much I'd change about the woman the Spirit is shaping now. However, there are three truths that I wish I had known sooner, particularly in my freshman and sophomore years when I was immature in my faith in so many ways, but thought I had it all figured out.

It's funny how we evolve when God puts prickles in our nests, gently but surely edging us outward into the free fall of new understanding and truth.

Hopefully some of you will be able to relate to this. Or, if you're in college now, maybe you'll read something that strikes a cord with you, or speaks to your current season of life, and you'll feel seen. You are definitely seen.

Anyway, here are the three truths I wish I could go back and tell College-Beth:

1. You don't have to feel shame for being burnt out on religion; you're tearing down, relearning, and rebuilding what you thought you knew about Jesus, and that's OK. Oh the shame that comes with feeling burnt out with faith. The shame that comes from being "on fire for Christ" in everyone else's eyes, but not being able to bring yourself to pick up your bible when you're alone at night. I kept my questioning, doubts, and wondering to myself and it damaged my soul in ways that I'm still healing from. If you're in a season of rebuilding what you thought you knew, there is no reason to hide. Jesus is not to be put in our boxes -- in fact, He probably has been trying to break free for a while, now, and celebrates your ability to adapt and change your ideas.

2. Your calling to ministry and leadership roles in ministry does not have to involve you constantly defending it, and trying to convert everyone to your egalitarian views. I am a woman who believes that the Lord has created me to do ministry by working in the church. I don't owe anyone an explanation for that, and if you're in the same boat, you don't either. There will be those who believe you shouldn't be here, that you can't lead, that you can't disciple well, etc. Their opinions do not erase what you feel called to do, and you don't have to have your arguments perfected and your defenses raised 24/7. You can find a tribe who supports and reinforces your calling, and you can do the work you feel lead to do without worrying about anyone else.

3. There are actually more things we DON'T know about God than we do know -- and that mystery is all part of the beauty of this faith journey. You DON'T have to have all the answers and that's SUCH a blessing. Please hear this: our God is wild. You will find him in the slums of India and Atlanta just as you will find him in the sanctuaries and the church pews. You will find him in the seedy downtown bars, in the Kroger, in the quiet woods, in the stadiums packed with worshipping young adults. You will find him in the most unexpected places; he is not containable. And we have only scratched the surface of who he is! I'm so grateful to serve a God that I can't understand, because if I - in all of my own, stupid humanity - could perceive and understand the ways of God fully, he wouldn't be a God worth worshipping. There is grey area in our journeys and our understandings, and that's OK. It's freeing to have questions, actually, that we don't have the answers to. We don't have to understand God -- if you want all the answers, take a math class. If you want mystery and romance and wildness and freedom, spend time with Jesus.

God is good. I knew that from the beginning of my faith journey, and I still know it now. That's a truth I will carry in my heart with me, regardless of how my other beliefs evolve and change over time. I hope you carry it with you, too.