When Church Hurts

It is okay to press pause.

When the walls suddenly feel to be closing in, the stares or whispers seem to be all too familiar, or the messages just don't sound like Jesus: it's okay to press pause.

It's okay to sleep in.

When you've been hurt, ignored, forgotten, laughed at, or laughed out: it's okay to sleep in.

It's okay to ignore phone calls.

It's okay to smile in response to "We haven't seen you in church in a while!"

It's okay to hold your cards close to your chest as you heal.

You don't owe everyone an answer to your absence.

It's okay to grieve. In fact, it's more than okay. Grieve the loss of the safety you once had. Grieve the loss of community Grieve that you no longer fit in the boxes you once called 'home.' Remember the words of Father Richard Rohr, "The opposite of faith is not doubt; the opposite of faith is control." Remember, also, the words of Shannon Berry -- that grief is just love in a heavy coat.

Lean on Jesus, though.

You may have left Church for this season, but please please don't leave Him.

Lean on the Gospels, cling to them, in fact. If all you can do is reread Matthew, Mark, Luke, John (and maybe Acts for good measure) then so be it. Camp out with Jesus on the shoreline, go with Him to the parties and drink His best wine. Call Peter and John and James your friends. Learn from Luke and listen to Mark. Pay attention to what Jesus does. Pay attention to where love shows up.

It's okay to notice how you feel. It's okay to:

Take deep breaths, take long baths, drink Old Fashioneds or hot chocolate and go for walks and read the books you've been waiting to. Listen to Mary J Blige and Ella Fitzgerald and Dua Lipa and Taylor Swift.

It's okay to pray, but it's also okay to let your life be a prayer when the words don't come.

You are not a heathen or a heretic. You are not damaged goods. You are not a problem to be solved or erased.

You are beloved, beautifully broken, a still beating heart.

Healing is hard work.

But not harder than staying somewhere you know you no longer belong.