what to do when you feel alone.

I used to think that loneliness meant being physically, literally alone.

That if I didn't have my family, my husband, or my friends living with and alongside me, then I would be alone. And this loneliness, for the longest time, was my biggest fear.

But then, as I got older and older, I began to interpret loneliness as something else.

I realized that true loneliness doesn't happen from being by yourself, but from people thinking they know you when they really don't. Loneliness happens when people believe that they have our measure and we've been found wanting. It happens when lies, whispers, rumors, or angst are carelessly spread, and suddenly we are on the outs. It happens when we feel misunderstood, ignored, or disliked. In a lot of ways, to be lonely is to feel alone in a crowded room because you have no idea if you're actually welcomed or not.

What's funny is that while my understanding of feeling alone has expanded, this expansion has actually helped eradicate my fears rather than enlarge them. I guess it's because I've learned a few things:

1. The people I love the most will always try to understand, see, and know me -- so they aren't going anywhere and

2. I have nothing to prove to people because even if they have 1000000001 things to say about who they think I am, I know who I am, and that matters significantly more. Knowing and loving myself has cured my need to be accepted by other people, and I'm comfortable being alone with myself because I trust myself, now. BUT....

...what do we do when we feel alone? What do we do when we are stable in our relationships with those who matter, but feel isolated from our larger community? (And that larger community matters, too?) What do we do when it feels like we are not enough, when we are misread, or we are invisible? What do we do when we no longer trust people, or we feel compelled to draw inward, to escape?

I wish I knew the "right" answer.

All I know is that God is speaking to me through the words of the Common Hymnal song "Peace My Mind." And I can't help but feel as if this soothing-balm of a song has some kernel of what we're supposed to do:

Find rest my soul Fly away Fly away Find peace, my mind Find your break Find your break Hold on a little longer This too shall pass Hold tight to the father With trembling hands He knows the path Rest Rest

In a pasture painted green Peace Peace Like a river, like a stream

The song was written for those who struggle with mental health; it's about "[providing] some hope with the intent of being a therapeutic song for someone who feels tormented mentally to find some sense of solace and rest."*

Whether you struggle with mental health issues or not, I think this song's encouragement to find rest and hold tight to the Father are the only true comforts for when we feel alone.

I can't control other people and their opinions; I can't control what people say or do or believe. I can't control who really is my friend, and who is secretly waiting for my downfall.

But I can try to rest. I can try to settle into myself, my sure-things, my Father. And I can hold fast to God, knowing that God hasn't let me down yet, that God is still good, and that God believes me, hears me, and values me.

Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. - Is. 41:10 (MSG)

Sometimes, the only way out of the pain we feel is through it. While I usually spend so much time trying to circumvent the pain, I'm learning that by finding rest within the pain, knowing that Jesus is here too, I am slowly amassing a messy, fulfilling peace regardless of how I may feel at any given moment.

Hold tight to the Father. This too shall pass.

*https://commonhymnal.com/songs/peace-my-mind