Things I've Learned From Living With a Teenage Girl

For those of you who may not know, my sister-in-law (who just turned 18 and graduates high school in two months!) is now living with me and The Husband. We love her, and adore having her here. She is hilarious, loving, selfless, and vivacious. But it's also been six years since I was a teenager, and six years since I lived with one.

What was it that that humble little folk singer sang? "The times they are a-changing?"

Anyway, here's what I've learned in the last two months of living with a teen in 2021:

1. Shopping is fun so long as Teen isn't the one needing clothes. Then, it's a nightmare and everything is ugly and deserves to be dumped into a landfill and set ablaze with kerosene.

2. Cereal is not an acceptable dinner. Neither is just macaroni and cheese, or just sautéed Brussel sprouts. You must have meat and sides -- anything less than that is a joke and will be treated as such. (You know what's always acceptable, though? Pizza, chicken nuggets, or cake.)

3. All teachers are stupid and suck, except for actually all of them who are great. I don't know, man. It depends on the day.

4. "My pets are my best friends... but also my worst enemies. I said what I said." (Someone who has lived with kids for longer than me, feel free to offer up some insight into this one.)

5. I told Teen that I was writing this post and she immediately asked, "Oh, are you going to mention my mood swings?" Which brings me to... The mood swings. We can be laughing hysterically one minute, and then in a flash it's, "Okay I'm going to go cry in my room now."

6. They observe and absorb so much more than you'd believe. They notice everything we say and do -- this is both terrifying and humbling.

7. TikTok and Snapchat are in -- Facebook and Instagram are out. (*Note: Instagram is acceptable ONLY if you use it to follow celebrities like Kylie Jenner and Nicki Minaj.) (**Note: If you don't know who those people are, you're too far removed from the teen-culture of today, and should accept that with dignity and grace and go watch Andy Griffith, or reruns of America's Next Top Model.)

8. "We need to check the cats' chakras," "Let's go get tattoos," and "I want to bake *insert complex cake recipe here*" are all completely normal statements, and are not to be taken seriously.

9. We could spend literally 15 hours on the couch watching New Girl or Brooklyn 99 -- Teen could be sprawled across me like I'm an actual human mattress -- and she would still say that I don't give her enough attention. More is more with them.

10. Teens are passive aggressive. But also aggressive-aggressive. Do with this information what you will.

11. It is REMARKABLE how much confidence and shyness can coexist within the same female body. Who knows when which trait will surface at any given moment or time. It is truly a gamble.

12. Teens will want body piercings, and also ACT Practice books. They will buy pastel colored Laura Ingalls Wilder inspired blouses, and also t-shirts with the Rugrats on the front. This is the duality of man.

13. Teen can and will talk to boys that are no-good-very-bad-news. Teen will confide in you about her heartbreaks, pain, and her hurts. Listening without judgment will go farther than trying to correct or point out toxic behaviors.

14. Teen's intuition is amazing.

15. ^ So is her ability to ignore said intuition.

16. Teen doesn't have anything figured out, but knows how to love well and is fiercely loyal.

While we never would have guessed we'd be having Teen here with us, I've learned a lot (as you can see!) I may work with teens on a daily basis, but living with one has opened my eyes to the crazy reality that teenagers are actually people, too. Who knew?