Resolutions & Other Hopes.

As a child, time seemed infinite.

Days seemed to last forever. Summers were never-ending. Months were eternities. Now that I'm older, I've begun to realize just how quickly time actually moves. What once felt like something I could never have enough of has become like day-old tea in a half-drunk cup .

There are moments where this quickness feels like a blessing (I'm looking at you, 2020). Others, where it feels like a curse. And when time moves this quickly, change almost always comes into play. It's always when things are going too fast that big change seems to happen, whether for better or for worse, right?

I've always loved the possibility that comes from new beginnings, new chapters. I love and champion growth and change. This year, I've determined that I'm going to grab a hold of my time in a very intentional way, and I've set some goals for myself so that I can become the positive change I want to see in my life instead of waiting for change to find me.

I wanted to share my resolutions with you in hopes that it may inspire you to come up with your own goals, even though you may feel like it's pointless or cheesy to do so! I believe acknowledging our hopes gives us a sense of ownership and power over them, and enables us to better achieve the goals we're striving for.

resolution no. 1 - Be a better "real" adult.

Confession: I will go to bed with a messy kitchen. Confession 2: I will clean and dry clothes, and then leave them in the dryer instead of hanging or putting them away. Clearly, these are not the life choices of a responsible, capable adult person. I may not be a naturally tidy and neat girl, but I can still make the effort to maintain a clean and neat home.

resolution no. 2 - Stop hateful self-talk.

I think most women go through a similar cycle of hateful self-talk, where one day we are OK with who we are and what we see in the mirror, and then on others we are absolutely repulsed. I have a teeny-tiny voice in my brain that judges me fairly often. "Don't eat that, you'll only get fatter." "You are so embarrassing." "There's nothing special about you." "You're awkward." "People don't really like you." Though this teeny-tiny voice cohabits my brain, it is not the best roommate. I'd like to learn how to live with it better -- if I can't convince it to be kinder, I'd at least like to be able to ignore it with as much grace as I can.

resolution no. 3 - Write more.

I've told you this before, I think, but I have been writing since I was 6 years old. Poetry, fiction, essays, academic pieces, it doesn't really matter what the genre is -- I love it all. But the truth is that I often ignore my capability for the written word because for some reason, I've convinced myself that it's not a skill that matters a whole lot, and it's not something worth pursuing. This is going to sound like arrogance, but I know God has gifted me the ability to write. Why I convince myself that this gift is meaningless, I don't know. But I'd love to feel a sense of authority over my talents instead of trying to hide from them. I think most of us experience something like this -- we know what we're good at, but we wish we were better at something else, so we focus on our weaknesses instead of our strengths... I'd like to change this about myself.

resolution no. 4 - Learn how to say no.

Oh, friends. You know I'm a recovering people-pleaser. That sickness is hard to fully shake. As a result, I have a tendency to say "yes" when a "no" would be what's better for me mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I will sacrifice myself for the sake of others, pouring and pouring until I feel like the cracked earth of a desert -- parched and tired. When we can't say no, we slowly start to lose our identity because it becomes something that is dependent upon the approval of others. (Question: Do I even matter if I'm not doing something for someone else to prove to them that I do? Answer: Yes. You matter regardless of how others see you. (1 John 4:10))

hopes for the new year:

I sincerely hope that I get to be a part of the story God is writing in my community. I hope that my youth group grows in spiritual maturity and depth; I hope that my teens know they are loved, valued, and treasured just as they are. I hope my family and loved ones experience freedom from the bondage of illness (mental and physical). I hope that my husband thrives in his med-school journey. I hope that God surprises me. I hope that I have many an adventure. I hope that you - yes, you - experience graciousness and joy, the likes of which you've never known.

What are your resolutions/hopes for this year?